Justin Boren doesn't like running

Justin Boren's departure from the University of Michigan football program came as some surprise (for the purposes of this post, "some surprise" can be equated to waking up as a fuzzy little squirrel one morning).

Not as surprising, HE MADE UP A BUNCH OF NONSENSE ABOUT WHY HE LEFT. Namely that: “I have great trouble accepting that those family values have eroded in just a few months. ... That I am unable to perform under these circumstances at the level I expect of myself, and my teammates and Michigan fans deserve, is why I have made the decision to leave.”

I'm going to go ahead and pick out the real key lines of text in this article, just to save you time:

"310-pound Boren"

and

"constantly running to the line of scrimmage"

Trust me, as someone who was once 310 pounds (seriously!), I can honestly tell you that any amount of running, walking, or physical exertion at that weight is tantamount to your father whipping you with a belt that is made out of acid leather (that would be leather tanned from the dreaded acid cow). So I can see why he would claim that the "family values" of the program had eroded under Rich Rodriguez's terrible gaze...always watching...always demanding more movement...less cheeseburger eating...and the running...oh god the running...always one foot in front of the other...faster and faster...OH THE CHAFING!

*ahem*

So while "family values" continue to erode at Michigan (Tim Jamison and Will Johnson are getting married in a Unitarian Church ceremony this week, from what I hear), the fact remains that we're down one experienced offensive lineman, who on his way out decided to give The University of Ohio State, and West Virginia fans more nonsense to spew, and who was probably too fat to function at the intensity the cybernetic organism known as Mike Barwis required him to perform at.

Attrition like this is always tough, but this is not the end of the world. Look at it this way: we're not going to lose to Navy.