In the season of ultimate futility, the Tigers would constantly trot out a pitcher who did nothing but give up runs (pwdnbgur). I distinctly remember being at the park and when they announced he was coming into pitch I declared that the opposing team's lead was going to grow. I go to the bathroom and when I come out, sure enough, a home run had been hit and I cursed and wondered why the hell they ever let this putz pitch? His name was Chris Spurling and I hated him.
The Tigers got wise and ditched his bum-ass, meaning they needed to find a new pwdnbgur, knowing their team wouldn't be complete without him. They found that man in Jason Grilli. He'd come in, give up some runs, (maybe) get some outs, and be replaced. Over the past 4 years I had become comfortable with him in this role, knowing that when his number was called the Tigers were going to lose. Now, he's in Colorado and ready to become a dominant relief pitcher and make both the Tigers and I rue that they ever traded him.
So, that leaves and opening for a new pwdnbgur. Who will it be?
Clay Rapada? Not likely. He likes to get outs.
Todd Jones? While good at giving heart attacks, he's also good at getting saves and only giving up runs that don't end up mattering. I think he's safe.
Aquilino Lopez? He has a sub 0.5 ERA. Unless he starts sucking hard fast, he's also safe.
Denny Bautista? Ugliest player on the team and likes to give up runs (despite what his sub 2.5 ERA says). Inherited runners? They score like whoa on this guy. A distinct possibility.
Bobby Seay? High ERA, but a lefty, so is inherently safe.
Zach Miner? 9.00 ERA (but dropping) thanks to back to back awful outings (9 earned runs in 3 innings) in mid-April. But, he tends to be the "long" relief when our starters do what they do best and give up eleventy runs in half an inning. Not safe.
So, it's either Denny Bautista our Zach Miner. Check back over the following weeks for pwdnbgur competition updates to know who I hate most at any given time. Good luck to both of our contestants and look out for dark horse candidates! Also, fuck Chris Spurling.
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Believe it or not, Bobby Seay might be my favorite guy in the bullpen. He's much more competent than he's given credit for.
And Bautista really is ugly. That cannot be said enough; the guy is just fucking hideous.
Also, you forgot the new guy, whatsit from the minors, who we traded Grilli to bring up. He could potentially be horrible, I guess.
Also also, Clay Rapada is kind of sexy.
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