Kevin Grady SMASH

Thanks to the diligent staff over at the Detroit Free Press, the public has gotten to see some pretty cool shots from inside Michigan Football practice. The most recent gallery is located HERE and features some action shots from the offensive scrimmage.

The most notable picture (besides THIS ONE of Jim Potempa's hobo hair) is one of Kevin Grady, looking like a cross between the Incredible Hulk and Carl Weathers from Predator.

BEHOLD:


Look at his God damn arms! I don't care what offensive scheme they're running, or if Notre Dame suddenly fills their defensive line with ED-209's...his massive arms are going to blast open some holes. This man is clearly capable of bench pressing Abrams Tanks now.

Bzzzt...GO IRISH

Let's face facts here, people. This guy tore his ACL last year. Tore it. Ripped. Clearly he just threatened his ACL by flexing his biceps, and the thing tied itself back together. From what I've heard, Grady is back to his old ways on the football field. And all kidding aside, that's great news.

Oh, and just for proper comparison, here's Grady from his Freshman year:

As a trained sports medicine physiologist, my professional opinion is that he added 30 pounds of GRRRR to his frame in the off-season.

So, while this says nothing of his speed or his agility after such a substantial injury, it does indicate that the Mike Barwis conditioning program is having some sort of effect on the players. I would have to say this is a positive direction, because if Grady is as huge as he appears to be, then we've got ourselves a whole stable of speedsters, and two fully functional crushing backs who look to trample all opposition underfoot.

Honestly, we should forget about quarterbacks and just line up three backs under center and direct snap to a different one each play. Screw it. We'll still beat Notre Dame that way.

So what is this post about exactly? Well, I'll tell you exactly. As you may or may not know, since I work for the GOVERNMENT I have access to all sorts of technological gadgets that let me actually see, on a submolecular level, what is going on with Grady's physiology now that Mike Barwis has taken over strength and conditioning from Mike "River of Milkshakes" Gittleson.

For example, this analysis of Grady's freshman year when all he knew was Red Vines, Jamba Juice, and the joys of Pizza House delivering at 3AM:


Zooming in...




Oh, geez. Yep, there's the problem. Sure he's strong, but should he really be eating that gigantic pile of hamburgers? And are the hamburgers his true enemy, like they appear to be in this shot, or is Ohio State the enemy? Which one should he look forward to devouring more?

And this is the inherent problem with the Gittleson system.

Let's look at the 2008 photo, now...


Zooming in on the arm...



Bam:



Each arm now contains the strength of exactly one Apollo Creed! Amazing!



Now the legs:


Ok, enhancing...


Wooo!


Evidently Mike Barwis is installing the power of angry Russians riding atop bears into his players legs now. This is probably a good thing!



Oh, wait, the computer is automatically scanning another body part it deems of "significant value."



Wait a minute...why is it analyzing his fingers?



Oh...


Well...diet and exercise can't fix everything...